Posts belonging to Category Witticisms… or not.



Twitter for Cyclists

Ahhh Twitter. One could create a pretty strong argument that Twitter’s popularity among cyclists is a direct result of EPO. One could also argue that it is simply the easiest way to share your race success with your friends and fans while still gasping for air at the finish line.

So, in a fashion not unlike Follow Friday (but clearly not #FF, because that is all messed up lately) I thought I’d throw out some of the names I follow. This list is by no means complete, nor should you assume that someone that I do not follow is not worth following. But of you are looking for something else to consume data on your smartphone’s data plan, here’s some good ones to follow:

Pro Cyclists and Teams

  • Jens Voigt @thejensie – #ShutUpLegs had to be a thing.
  • Chris Horner @hornerakg – Because who doesn’t want to wonder why the hell ‘akg’ is in his handle
  • Emily Kachorek @EmilyKachorek – Bad ass cyclist from VanderKitten
  • Vanderkitten @vanderkitten – Because they’re full of bad ass cyclists like Emily Kachorek. And they also seem to have this whole social media thingy nailed.
  • Jonathan Vaughters @Vaughters – Has some funny stuff to say sometimes. And knows a thing or two about cycling
  • Johan Bruyneel @JohanBruyneel – He says a ton of funny stuff too. Unfortunately it is usually when he is actually being serious.
  • Alberto Contador @albertocontador – We all need a reason to work on our spanish.
  • Team Sky @TeamSky – They taught me that Brits race bikes too.
  • Fabian Cancellara @f_cancellara – Apparently his tweets are sexier than everyone else’s.
  • Cadel Evans @CadelOfficial – It is fun to read his tweets with an Australian accent.
  • Phil Southerland @PhilSoutherland – Because diabetic cyclists kick ass. I know from personal experience.

Cycling Media Folks – Bloggers, journalists, photographers, etc

Tweet away folks…

 

New evidence: MTB may have benefits over road

So… yea. Been a die-hard, no-knobby-tire-having, lycra-loving roadie for a while. My idea of getting dirty is road grime in the rain. But like all things, I’m open to evidence that may cause me to change my position. So – I present this counter-argument:

A 22-year-old man suffered an erection for seven weeks after a mountain bike crash. The hard-on finally subsided after two weeks of medical treatment in a hospital.

Hmmm… perhaps I stand corrected. *cough* *cough*

Update: And you thought that I had my tongue firmly placed into my cheek – check out this article. Puns abound!

Top 7 best bike music videos

There is a rather large and growing collection of humours, self-deprecating, but often true songs and music videos that folks have made regarding cycling.  Usually these poke fun at some of the more eccentric aspects and stereotypes of the cycling culture.  I thought it was about time someone put together a list of the best of them. Of course, this is just my opinion, and is therefore fact…

 

 

Number 7: Bike-Friendly City (funny song about bike safety in Toronto)

Obstensibly a bicycle saftey piece, but we all know that no one listens if we talk about bike safety seriously.  So lets try it with a little humor:

Number 6: SRSLY

Just try and make it past the Cliff Shot slurping scene in the beginning…

Number 5: Le Velo

The first entry from Robin Moore – the only guy to make my list not once, but three times.  This video probably would have ranked higher if he had chosen a better wine.

Number 4: Get Dirty

After poking fun at the euro crowd, Robin Moore goes after the MTB set.  Truth be told though, you may want to hold off on watching this one until you’ve watched the rest of the list.  There are references in this video to the number one video on our list.

 

Number 3: All You Haters ( Suck …censored… )

Something about making fun of anger is hysterically funny to me – and a heck of a lot better than actually being angry.  Warning – if you would be offended on a Juniur High School camups by the language, you should skip this video…

 

Number 2: Motherf<censored>ing Bike

Yes.  They swear.  A lot. But again, making fun of anger is just too enjoyable. Yes – this is the genesis of that famous “Tour de F*** You.”  Nearly every stereotype of urban cycling culture is in here.  In truth it was a very hard decision to decide the actual order of the top two.  Ultimately it came down to seniority alone.

Ooooh – and it is in HD!

 

Numero Uno: Performance

For me this is the first and still best bicycle music video.  The third entry from Robin Moore.  If you do nothing else in your cycling life, get this stuck in your head on your next ride.  Eminently quotable – ‘Cause its all about performance…

 

 

And speaking of quotable, one final thought:

Happy cyclist excuse day!

Cyclist excuse day?  But isn’t it Thanksgiving?

Yes.  Yes it is.  Thanksgiving is the day when, all across the country, countless individuals, groups and clubs are going out on casual or social rides with friends and competitors.  It is a time to get on the bike in full kit to ride 12 miles an hour for less than 20 miles and never break a sweat.  So why the odd ritual?

Well, Thanksgiving day social rides are first and foremost an excuse.   (more…)

The Cycle Chic Manifesto

Look out fellow lycrarians™.  The Cycle Chic crowd has a manifesto – so you know they’re up to something.

First they start toddling around town on vintage bicycles.

Then they bring back leather handle bar wrappings – for shame!

But a manifesto!  Nothing says “crazy radical agenda” like a manifesto.

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Cyclist’s personal ads

What if the personal ads were filled with cyclists?

EMC (Elite Male Cyclist) seeks EFC.  Interested in races and rides – both group and individual training.  Love hills.  Ride a Trek and I prefer that my ladies do too.  Sorry – but ‘bent riders need not respond, no wheel sucks and definitely no dopers!  Pack filler is OK if they know how to carry the water bottles.  Max wattage of at least 300 over 5 minutes, please.

Beautiful Tweed Girl wants Male companion. I love slow rides through downtown, parks and trails.  You must know how to wax your handlebars – both on your bike and on your upper lip!  No hidden lycra in the closet.  Its all wool -all the time – for this girl.  Coffee or tea, not beer or liquor.  If you show up to our first date on a penny-farthing you’ve got a leg up on the rest of the boys.  And if you get that pun, you’re the guy for me!

Give me a Tri! FTW (Fit triathlete woman) seeks male marathoner, du- or tri- athlete to share training and nutrition trials and tribulations.  Training partnerships to start, and if things go well mutual post-event leg massages.  Ultra-marathoners and bare foot running fanatics scare me, sorry.

Male bike wrench seeks girl with bike. Is your chain skipping?  Wheel out of true?  Than this guy’s for you.  Looking for someone to share advice with.  This guy will keep your ride running in top shape.  If you spend a lot of time talking about the last shop you went to and what they did for you – I’m not interested.

Handy cycling tips from a driver

In an odd series of connections I found a great video of tips for cyclists, given from the point of view of a driver.  This was actually posted over 3 years ago on Brian Acord’s blog over at GreenWheels.org.  Brian is actually a fellow CycleFolsom member and ride leader.  Yup – I’m referring to that Brian.  Have a look at the video – and share it with friends and family!

Contador reveals how hard the failed test is hitting him

OK ok. I concede that English is not his primary language, and I get the intent of his message. But c’mon – this was just too good to pass up:

Should I be surprised?

I tend to ignore Facebook stuff a lot, so occasionally I go through and actually read / clean stuff.  I was not surprised when this popped up.  I may be a little surprised that it took so long, though!

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Christmas gift ideas for the cyclist dad

Note: If you feel like you may have read this post before, you’re probably right.  This is an only slightly modified repost of a previous Father’s Day article.  Same principles apply though.  Enjoy

There is a very long tradition of getting dad a tie for Christmas.  But what if Dad’s favorite pastime involves a saddle, two wheels and two pedals?  As a general rule, folks don’t wear neck ties on the weekend group rides.

Luckily, there are a number of items – ranging from the relatively inexpensive to the completely extravagant – that can fill the bill.  Here’s a list of some ideas in no particular order:
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